safe travels, mama.

last night, on saturday july 16, 2011, my mother succumbed to the cancer she has been battling for just shy of a year and passed away. she fought hard and kept her head above water and was doing very well for most of this time. all of this changed about a week ago when she took a rapid down turn. it all happened very fast. her passing came swiftly and without pain. although it is a blinding shock to the family, there is great comfort to be found in these facts.

i could go on about my mother's influences on me but the basics amount to this - she taught me most of my craft skills, filled my life with making and always support even my most wild creative impulses and "career" choices.

my father took that picture above before i was born. they maintained a strange yet great relationship throughout their lives even though their marriage lasted only a couple of years into my life. i can only hope and imagine that they are now irritating one another in the great beyond.

me, i am off to the northwest to be with my family and say my goodbyes.

i am sure this comes as a shock to those of you who knew my mother and am sorry if this posting is bringing you the news. she seemed so full of life and tenacity that her disappearance from this mortal coil still seems impossible to me.

my mother had so very many friends, colleagues and acquaintances that i feel overwhelmed with the task of spreading word of her passing. please help if you can. my family is planning an informal wake/open house this thursday in vancouver. i will share more details as they emerge. i, for one, plan to laugh through tears, make terrible puns and share long stories - just as she would have wanted (and done).

anne theresa hershoran garber
1946 - 2011

you are loved, missed and not forgotten.
i will see you in my weird hairline, pointy face and huge teeth every day.

part of the family.

as some of you may know, two nights before our departure some parkdale hooligan smashed both side mirrors off the car i had had for four days. above is the amazing fix-it job that my lovely mechanic eric came up with. with these new piercings, the as-yet-unnamed car is looking more like a frankenstein than boris did. also of note: zigzag afghan as seat cover. just trying to sync this ride up with the crafty lady who is going to live inside her for a third of a year.

mirror mirror.

open letter to the person who knocked both side mirrors off my car last night: i hate your guts.

bye bye boris.

today i finally screwed up the gumption to open the above envelope, delivered to me by mike. it contains the remains of my beloved boris carefully collected by mike before the tow truck came to take the car to the scrapper. i have to mail the plates in to get my insurance money back but the other little bits may find their way on tour with me in whatever new car i end up with. boris always took care of me before...i kind of want him around still, if only just a little bit.

thank you mike. so much.

car dreams (and panic attacks).

artwork by tyler brett from 2009's 'brokeback pontiac' tour findraiser

i am home now, back in toronto, with just under two weeks until we have to depart, austin-bound, to start the tour. we still have no vehicle. although my lovely mechanic is on the job, helping me look for the perfect vehicle, i figured i would put my dream list of car-qualities out into the ether to see if i could scare up a new touring chariot.

do you, or someone you know, have a station wagon that is reliable, good on gas, relatively easy to find parts for, safe and for sale? it also have to be relatively affordable. i am hoping that this new vehicle also bring me firmly into the 1990's.

it's a lofty wish list, but i know there is a new car out there to help me tour. okay world, let me know what you possess.

love,

becky

car and tunnel sydrome (or more musings on the power of objects).

3151445km by the misanthrope specialty co.

driving back from austria yesterday, i was really focused on the cars on the highway - checking out every station wagon that passed us. i am wracked with nerves and guilt over finding a new car and disposing of my old one (that latter deed is done). i feel like i let boris down and am having a really confused time figuring out my feelings towards what amounts to a bunch of metal. i think some of this examination speaks to a greater relationship with stuff. it's a field of exploration that i often find myself in. after all, i am in the business of making things. i hope they are things that will last, be useful and/or enrich the psychic space of those around them, but they are still objects, material. i do know deal in transcendental awakenings. well, not that i know of, anyway.

my friend sarah recently mentioned me in a post she wrote about similar issues of stuff, repair and quality. i am happy to find compatriots in this material-based confusion. i don't feel much closer to any awakening, but it is nice to know that other people are plumbing these same murky depths.

but back to boris, i still cry whenever i think of him. like now. i cry like he was a friend i have lost. worse, still, i had to made the call to terminate our relationship. it feels obscene to spend time embroiled in such angst over a material object when the world is filled with people struggling through real life and death challenges daily.

still, when i told mike (a dear friend and car enthusiast who helped me retire boris while i was in europe) about my shameful weeping, he had this to say:

I'm glad Boris spent the night at our place and that I had the solemn charge of making sure he went away with dignity.

When the man picked him up he parked out front and asked me to drive it out from the back. I rolled the window down to let him know that he'd have to get in through the passenger side and he stopped me when I went to roll it back up saying no to worry about it.

It was raining that day. I did not leave it down.

thank you, mike, for understanding my feelings possibly more than i do and for being unapologetic about them. none of it is making me less of a materialist, i guess, but it sure makes me feel better.

feel free to call me opulent or share your own feelings about material emotions below.

retail therapy.

reading frenzy. august 2010.

well, it seems to be in the air. the past two years of gruelling recession that has made my favourite independent retailers tough it out has finally pushed a few to the breaking point. some have closed. through issues of cash flow and/or bureaucracy, others are doggedly struggling to keep their doors open. i honestly think that indie retailers are made from some of the toughest stuff on earth, and i urge you to shop locally wherever you are. these shops keep makers like me in business and keep the world filled with thoughtful, ethical, unique handmade goods and services.

in the past weeks, i have caught wind of a couple shops running campaigns to help them keep afloat - and they have online options to help from afar.

first up, reading frenzy in portland, oregon, just published a spring update here explaining their current situation and offering a bunch of brilliant packages, publications and prints to offset their current financial issues. reading frenzy is a wholly unique operation, housing a great selection of zines and book as well as hosting outstanding art events on their walls and in their windows. i feel like i first stumbled upon them while i was still in high school. it was certainly the 1990's. and believe you me, the city of roses was not quite portlandia yet back them. ready frenzy was a beacon. chloe has big plans for the future, too, and i would like to see them happen.

cranky yellow. july 2009.

secondly, david at cranky yellow in st. louis has become embroiled in some complicated municipal politics, fines, and hoopla. the stories of david and cranky are a tangle of intertwined and fascinating detail. who decides to open a shop at age 20? and who decided to open this shop? i can honestly say that i have never seen another operation like cranky yellow. the aesthetic is all their own and the ethos is staunchly idealistic. reading up on this current trouble (in a independent business feature that david has launched called small time woes) it is clear that mistakes were made on his part in starting up the business. he admits as much. but it also illustrates how little state and municipal bureaucracy create pathways for indie start-ups and how difficult resolution can be for smallies like him. david has gotten a little flack recently for using social media and openly 'complaining' about the problems he has been having. to that, i would point out that these tactics have garnered better results than going through prescribed channels (which often consists of automated phone systems). also, he is publicly voicing complaints that i have heard countless times in private from independent retail business owners across this continent. i think this is a story that needs to be heard and considered.

the programming cranky has brought to st. louis is astounding (bands, art shows, publications, cat circuses). the fact that david does not speak like a politician or a lawyer does not negate that. many of these projects (like their mail service) operate pointedly without money. of course this makes surprise costs (even in the hundreds of dollars) daunting. but this business is not so close to the line because it is failing. it is close to the line as a message and due to a generosity of creative spirit. it's just too bad that cultural capital can't pay garbage fines.

both the reading frenzy and cranky yellow shops (links back there) stock entirely wonderful and unique wares. just sayin'. if you have gifts to get in the coming days, these might be places to look.

resolutions: clean the fuck up.

i can't believe i am sharing this secret shame with the internet. anyone who has been to my home will know that this trash pile is my horrifying "studio/office".

this is what happens after packing everything into my room during our four month tour, then coming home for three weeks, then touring europe for five weeks, then returning home with city of craft and a string of craft fairs to attend to.

i haven't been in there to work since before we left for tour on the first of may. it has basically maintained its status as a nonsense storage room for more than half a year. me and my crochet and by buttons and my zines have all been spreading out in the living room and kitchen table and it is all threatening to consume my home life. basically, this mess has become a spiralling nightmare due to neglect and too many on-the-road adventures.

i pledge not just to clean this room up and return it to its pre-tour glory; i also want to do a major purge and some painting and wallpapering to finally make the hub of all my craft activities better than it has ever been. 2011 will be your year, plucky work centre.

what does this mean for you? well, all my winter and spring trunk show appearances will include healthy heapings of great rummage that i simply don't have room for. my collection for the love and rummage trunk show already looks to be filling up with suitcases, train cases and state plates. i'll be previewing some of that loot here in greater detail over the next month - so stay tuned.

ugh. looking at that picture makes me want to barf up a hair ball.

warnung!

uh oh. high toxic lure.

the way way north.

mittens by sarah mcneil

today i spent a mid-mania lunch watching a documentary about the arctic. it made me profoundly sad. i felt full of awe, as well, of the landscape and the people who fit into it. in an act of comfort and indulgence, i trolled around etsy for other works that gave me this same feeling. here they are.

stop being not cool, vancouver.

dearest vancouver,

i left you years ago for a number of reasons. you are full of people i love, many of whom are making incredible creative work. but something was always missing between us. you were kind of unsupportive of me. or, your support was expressed in principal but there was very little...involvement.

i know we went our separate ways for good reason and i know this is for the best. it is still pleasant (if awkward) to visit you from time to time and i do want to stay in touch. but if you make it impossible for little mountain gallery to continue to exist as the important hub for emerging creative talent that it is, then it is over between us. i just can't fathom why you might even consider removing something that elevates you into being a better city. you said you were a place that believed in beauty marks, not blemishes. i really want to believe you.

had there been a little mountain when i was emerging, your folds may have felt more safe and hopeful to me. i might have stayed. well, maybe not, but its presence does make me want to visit more often. it is one of your best features.

love,

becky

ps - there is a fundraiser tonight for little mountain gallery's process of legitimization. i will be driving through jasper national park around then, but some sweetie pie button sets will be on offer at the raffle.

pps - don't just blame the city, citizens. i went to an art opening and free show there last night. it was amazing. why did all but twelve of you miss this?

vandal in the wind.

dear providence dweeb who sulked up in the night and spray painted a big line down the side of my car,

fuck you. fuck you very much.

just because my car looks crazy doesn't mean you can make it look crazier.

i hate you. in fact, everyone you know hates you.

becky

rhode trip.

after a morning cafe/office session with katie (in new york doing comedy for a few months - go find her before she leaves town), we were ready to head out for the ocean state. aitor took some really lovely pictures from the fdr as we made our way to new england:

everything was going swimmingly (if at a crawl) until we stopped at the connecticut welcome centre. after a brief break and washroom stop, the car wouldn't turn over. i felt awash with the fear of an expensive night in darien, connecticut - motels, repairs, and an early morning drive to craftland (if we were lucky). it was like a new york nightmare. here we were, destined for a nearby place that would be cooled by more foliage than our concrete home only to find our homes dashed my mechanical dismay. in a rare stroke of luck, however, we just needed a jump and charge of the battery. this only added a couple of hours to the trip (not the forty i was imagining). we got to providence with just enough time for some dice games and drinks with deb and alec. what a perfect ending to a sweaty car day.

tirelessly wirelessless (and other pressing matters).

i am currently very unexcited about the fact that when i got up today (after a very late night and too little sleep), our phone (and thus internet) was dead. this is really not what i need right now. regardless, i still have small news and photographs to share from this roncesvalles avenue cafe.

yesterday evening, i went by the trip print press to pick up our vendor call flyers from nicholas. he was weirdly apologetic on the phone about some defect is saw in them. he's nuts; they are so beautiful. i posted a more verbose account of the whole thing here (but the pictures are the same). note the button love in the last image. when are we going to do that letterpress artist set we were talking about, nicholas?

sick daze (and split second appearances)

it seems like i have spent half of 2010 sick thus far. i can't imagine why i deserve this, but this weekend was filled with a fresh bout of something ghastly. i lay around, shivered and watched docudramas about early canadian settlers and their constant trials (like, cholera). thankfully, i just had to sleep a lot with my cat nearby and nobody tried any bloodletting on me. i should count myself lucky.

during my latest illness, i did find time to materialize like a phantasm in a couple of split second internet appearances. see if you can spot me in this excellent interview serena did about small venues, touring, and artistic understanding. don't blink, though, or you will miss me (don't worry, i really have nothing to do with this). i also appear momentarily and inconsequentially in the preview of rose bianchini's documentary about misha glouberman and how he likes to make people yell. they are both very great projects that i am honoured to have ever insinuated myself into.

oh, and up there are some aloe sprouts i discovered today when i was well enough to scale our couch, prune the plants and water them. they seem to be reacting to their recent repotting with gusto. i hope to have a large aloe shrub in no time. it is also nice to see any kind of sprouts this early in the year, especially when i feel so sickly and depleted. there is hope for everyone.

rage about the machine.

seeking computer to change my shoes. please. in truth, this is just a note to say that my computerlesness persists. i miss you, world wide web. soon we shall be together again. soon.

thank you leah, for letting me borrow your computer for a bit. sorry if your blog languishes as a result. oh yeah, i should get back to using this computer for official city of craft business. it's going to be amazing.

ghost in the machine.

well, the unthinkable has happened; my trusty laptop computer has failed me. how horrifying, how ghoulish.

i don't entirely know how to cope with this, the loss of my greatest technological component and most useful tool of human connection (oh, the irony).

but this note should serve to inform you all that i continue to survive - robot parts or no - in spite of my seeming disappearance. actually, in a way, i have become more real.

in completely unrelated news, my non-craft life saw me interviewed for a local arts weekly. newspapers: now available on internet. well, it can fill the void this blog hiatus has left in the noise of the universe, anyway. enjoy!

twin cities maniacs.

on the way out of minneapolis (or mipples, as we now almost exclusively call it), we managed to slip into i like you before closing. aside from the obvious awesomeness of wall-to-wall astroturf carpeting and an indoor swing, this is the most indie craft packed shop i have come across in the twin cities (crafty planet excelling in craft materials and resources, of course). i am so glad we made the effort to find the shop. angela and sarah were so great to hang out with and i am happy to say that they now stock a good selection of buttons and artist sets. go check 'em out!

we finally got on the road late and didn't drive for long. i got tired and pulled off the highway at eau claire. it was a good thing we did, too, because as soon as we settled into the motel, the television was buzzing with flash flood warnings on all stations. my pictures don't do the chaos justice - it's was an incredible storm. suffice it to say we are happy to be safely tucked into our motel room.

so long, saint louis...and stop being clingy.

photo by reverend aitor

today we left our saint louis family with many hugs, plans for crafty exchanges and a strange smell emanating from the car (but more on that later).

we stopped in on circa, belleville illinois' best boutique as far as i am concerned. sorry, other shops, but andria is the only one who carries my stuff in town. why do i never take pictures there? i honestly do not know. it is quite a lovely shop with an equally attractive and charming owner.

after departing belleville, we drove into the big city and stopped to visit cranky yellow, a shop run by some excitable artists we met last year at strange folk. their store and gallery spaces occupy a very specific and loud aesthectic of plastics, kitch, humour, eyeballs and crochet afghans...and more. or, as the title of their current window display expresses so pointedly "crap glued to other crap." there is no slight in this. it works. and i was very happy to add a collection of sweetie pie press commissioned artist sets to the miasma of colour.

angelo pointed out how well my outfit morphed into the store as a whole. he also said i looked like the mayor of papertown. fair. and flattering.

i was also lucky enough to be entirely bought out of loose buttons (once again) by avalon exchange (formerly rag-o-rama) in university city.

if only my mayoral magic could have prevented my alternator from dying as we alighted hopefully onto route 66. but luck and trouble always seem to run in a tight circle for me. we made it as far as a walmart parking lot in sullivan, missouri. i never thought i would sing the praises of a big box store, but ridiculously late hours on the eve of a civic holiday sure served us well in locating a mechanic who seemed optimistic about his ability to get us rolling again on the fourth of july.

now we sleep in a fancier hotel than we should be in (read: can really afford) with hopes that this year's breakdown will end better than last year's canada day debacle.

sick leave.

i took the picture above of my busy living room coffee table trunk back on friday when i was planning on regaling you, internet, with boastful tales of all the crap i was about to accomplish - two craft fairs in two days (one in brantford), a fundraiser show around the corner and other marvelous wonders.

but then i went to a meeting on friday, came home, took a nap and woke up not knowing where i was. this was the beginning of the most delirious fever i have had since being very little. it's been close to a week and i am just coming out of it now. i did manage to medicate myself enough to make it to the hunt and gather trunk show but otherwise, i have been a shut in for days - and not a particularly ambulatory one, at that.

i do have some pictures and things to go through from last week and the trunk show so i should be filling in some blanks here over the next day or so. but i should also mention that my first big outing will be to haul my weakened ass over to the knit cafe tonight to celebrate earth day amid the plastic corals of our reef display. come, won't you. you can experience my new bedraggled look in person.

but for now...i will attempt a triumphant return to solid foods.